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Hi, Here Is My Second Failure

I think we all have experienced a moment in our lives where we get so excited about something the thought of something going wrong doesn’t enter our minds.

Success is inevitable.

Nothing that brings you so much joy could bring you so much sadness.

I had busted my ass and worked to build up an audience of web designers who seemed to love everything that I put out.

It was a glorious thing.

I would get emails daily from random people across the world telling me about how much I’d helped them learn web design.

At this point, I figured it was time to try this book thing again because the money I was making through ads wasn’t cutting it.

Any blogger that makes money with ads will tell you that chasing pageviews every single day just so your ad revenue doesn’t drop is pretty exhausting.

That’s why I wanted to write another book.

So I wrote a book on my life.

You’re not reading that wrong. I told you my ego plays a huge role in this story.

The book was legit about my life since I had graduated from college.

People were always asking me how I got started with web design and how I was able to build up a following for my own web design blog so I figured the best thing I could do was tell them my story.

Like a Disney motivational movie that inspires all to greatness.

I wrote the book and I liked it. Of course, I liked the book on dating as well.

But this one. This one. It was funny.

It was informative.

It was everything that I’d wanted in a book about myself.

Instead of launching it without warning I shared it with my two of my friends. I figured it would be wise to get some feedback on it.

I wasn’t going to get caught with my pants down again.

They read it.

They liked it.

They gave me feedback and I tweaked some things.

I was so confident that this book was going to be a success that I asked my two friends if they wanted to partner up with me to start a new company.

They politely declined. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little upset by that but looking back they were much wiser than me.

However, at the time I figured it was their loss as I was about to blow up.

I told my web design audience about the book and then a couple of days later I released it.

I refreshed my inbox to see the sales emails coming in.

Nothing in the first 5 minutes.

I checked to make sure the email went out to my audience and unfortunately it did.

I checked again 15 minutes later.

Nothing.

I started to get anxious because I was all too familiar with this experience.

It couldn’t be happening again, could it?

I built up a larger audience and I wrote a book that would help them.

Everything was in place.

But nothing happened.

I had the worst feeling in my stomach.

I was going to be sick.

Why?

This wasn’t like the first book that was written on a whim.

This one had higher stakes attached to it.

You see, I was living with my parents at the time. I was sleeping on their couch. I probably forgot to mention that at some point in this story.

I didn’t have a job.

In fact, I hadn’t had a 9-5 job for over 8 years because I was always doing my own thing with just enough success to not have to get a job.

However, my girlfriend was at the age (I was 29 she was 28) where she started to wonder is this the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with?

Was there enough room on my parents’ couch for both of us?

One day she had a heart-to-heart talk with me and said that she couldn’t handle the random swings of income that I was bringing in.

She wanted to feel secure in knowing that I was going to bring in money every single month so I should start looking for work.

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in me. She did and had believed in me for years.

She’s awesome.

The problem was that while men lie and women lie, numbers don’t.

That’s really the reason why I had to write another book. It was my shot to show her and my family that I wasn’t just bumming on the couch.

I had no idea what her parents thought of me at the time because I was too scared to meet them.

“Hi, I hope you have a bigger couch than my parents’ do because I’m not the smallest guy in the world.”

Anyways, it was going to be okay.

I had a plan!

So having absolutely nothing happen with this book destroyed me.

All of my eggs were in that basket and I dropped the basket breaking every single egg.

It didn’t work out.

It’s hard to describe the crushing feeling of creating something that you think the world wants only to see the world completely reject it.

Or the feeling when you tell everyone in your life that you’re doing something and then they get to see in realtime that something becomes nothing at all.

I went back to my girlfriend with my tail between my legs and told her I’d start looking for a job. Part of her wanted to smile as a sign of relief but you should’ve seen the look in her eyes.

It was a look of pain.

She felt sorry for me. Like a kid meeting his idol and discovering the guy is a real asshole.

She told me it would be alright and that I’d get another shot at things but I wasn’t sure if I wanted another shot.

You can only get punched in the face so many times before you realize that maybe you’re losing the fight and should stay down for the count.

I was beaten and broken.

I had an audience. I had an offer.

What went wrong? I wasn’t quite sure but I guess my offer wasn’t something that they wanted.

Fortunately, due to my web design blog, I was able to get a job in Los Angeles.

I liked the company and I liked the people so it was a perfect match.

Until I got fired for walking out on the CEO, buying a 32 oz bottle of beer, and drinking it in my office.